I can still feel it today — the cold and discomfort that I and many other women encountered standing in that bleak Planned Parenthood room, fidgeting in the unnerving silence. I was unexpectedly pregnant and waiting to start the chemical abortion pill regimen. Little did I know the incredible experience that was about to unfold in my life.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I was afraid. Just weeks prior, I suffered a traumatizing miscarriage that left me with intense emotional pain. Fresh from that wound and terrified to tell my mother, my longtime boyfriend, Jacarri, and I agreed that I would have an abortion this time.
After driving six hours from Alabama to North Carolina, I found myself alone in a Planned Parenthood waiting room. Jacarri was not permitted to come in. Internally, I felt deep uncertainty about the decision I was about to make, but there wasn’t much time to think.
I was quickly ushered into a back room with a group of other women, all of whom had similar looks of hesitancy. Then, a man came in and handed each of us a small pill and a Dixie cup filled with water. We were instructed to take it then and there, and the man waited as each woman, one by one, forced it down.
“Something’s not right,” I thought. “I don’t know if I can do this.” I quickly hid my pill in my sleeve and swallowed the water on its own.
Once safely back in the car with Jacarri, I showed him the pill and explained my hesitation. He told me he would support me in anything, and as I sat there, I decided I would go through with it. I was so worried about the challenges that an unexpected pregnancy might bring.
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I swallowed the pill and sat with discomfort for the entire six-hour drive back home.
That night, I woke from a horrible nightmare in which I had given birth to a sweet little baby whose face had been severely deformed from the harms of the chemical abortion pill. “I’ve done this,” I panicked.
I immediately started to search online for a solution. My frantic need to save my child landed me at Crossroads Pregnancy Clinic, a pregnancy resource center close by that offered free abortion pill reversal, which replaces the natural hormone, progesterone, that abortion drugs block.
Upon arrival, the team was immediately loving and warm and quickly provided me with progesterone to try reversing my abortion. All I wanted was to save my baby.
At the end of the day, not only did they help me to do that, but they saved me, too. The women at the pregnancy center embraced me and my growing family as part of their own. From groceries to clothing to diapers and baby supplies, Crossroads provided everything we could possibly need. Still, to this day, I have yet to buy baby clothes!
They also went out of their way to help Jacarri. In attending the center’s parenting classes for expecting fathers, he was given the same love, support, and preparation that I received. They even gave him the sweetest gift — a teddy bear that, when pressed, would play the sound of our baby’s heartbeat. Jacarri loved it and pressed it all the time, which showed me his love for our child. I am forever grateful that Crossroads helped him to become the strong and confident father he is today, one who has stood by my side every step of this journey.
Shortly after a beautiful baby shower that Crossroads threw for me, which was sponsored by Washington Street Church of Christ, a local church and partner of Crossroads, I gave birth to a happy, healthy baby boy, Kaizen. I adore him with every ounce of my being — he brings me joy and happiness that I never expected in my wildest dreams. I may be biased, but he’s the most perfect baby and I could not imagine my life without him.
Yet the care we received at Crossroads didn’t end after the birth of my son. Knowing my desire to continue my education, they helped me apply for the $15,000 Unplanned Movie Scholarship and ultimately surprised me with a reception at the center when I found out I was chosen. Thanks to Crossroads and the scholarship, I am now able to pursue my interest in social work, all while caring for my wonderful son.
I sometimes wonder about the women who joined me in the Planned Parenthood room the day I almost lost my son to chemical abortion. I hope they know they are loved. I hope they have found a center such as Crossroads and that they know now that abortion is not their only choice — that health, happiness, and success can be a reality for them.
Having my baby was the best decision I have ever made, and I would never change it for the world.
LifeNews Note: Deyana Tilley is from Odenville, Alabama.
